Welcome to My World

To everyone who is following my blog and taking time to read my posts, I am very touched and grateful.

When I started this blog a week ago, I intended for my first post to welcome you to my blog and to tell you what it’s about and why I’m writing it. But then my son Lance got robbed at work, and my thoughts were all about him, and then my thoughts went to my dad, who rescued me from my mother’s abuse, and to my friend Sharon, who was murdered by her estranged husband 12 years ago. So here I am, 7 days later, finally writing what was meant to be the first post. Here goes …

Welcome to I Survived a Murder Attack — My Family Didn’t. Here, over the next weeks and months and years, I will expose the dark secrets of my past as well as the life experiences — both past and present, both bad and good — that have deeply affected, and continue to deeply affect, me and my family.

The purpose of this blog is not to gain sympathy; it is to share with others what I’ve experienced and learned. I have never felt sorry for myself for the severe emotional and physical abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of my mother nor for the rape, stabbing, degration, and beatings I endured from men in my adult life. I would never say “poor me.” The only thing that might bring me to my knees in self-pity would be if my husband or my child were killed. A loss of that magnitude would shatter my world like nothing else has been able to. But I’ll be damned if I am going to feel sorry myself for any other reason!

What it comes down to is this: I am not the first or last person to have experienced child abuse, rape, domestic violence, brutality, or a murderous attack on my life. I am not the first or last person to be betrayed, mistreated, and rejected by family members. All of us have suffered some sort of pain in our lives.

I have known mothers who were grief-stricken because their child broke a leg, suffered a concussion, or sustained some other injury while playing football when my husband Ronnie was a coach. As an event planner, I have worked with brides whose worlds came crashing down around them because the flowers for their centerpieces weren’t the right colors or weren’t available, convinced that the most important day of their lives was now ruined. I have comforted friends who’ve lost children to drug overdoses and loved ones to cancer, automobile accidents, and other tragedies. I have sat with a close friend whose child was stillborn.

Every person’s struggles, every person’s pain, every person’s feelings are valid. Who are we to judge what’s worth losing sleep over, or crying about, or fretting over, or talking about. Because if something happens that crushes you, it crushes you. But what crushes you need not destroy you.

I have not been destroyed by the crushing events of my life because I have not allowed myself to be a victim. That is one of the reasons I am writing this blog — to show other people that whatever  devastating blow life might deal you, it doesn’t have to destroy you. You don’t have to be a victim of the circumstances of your life. You can be the victor of your own life.

I didn’t always know that, and it took a long time and a lot of hard knocks and hard work to figure it out. I have had many people do very bad things to me, and I have done some bad things myself. I am not a perfect person, and I am a work in progress. But because of my strong spirit and my capacity to love and to be loved, I have become a good, loving, and lovable person.

The other thing I’ve realized is that I didn’t get here alone. No one does.

For nearly 20 years, I’ve had the love and support of a good man my husband, Ronnie. My son Lance is the light of my life. Other loved ones and close friends have been loving and supportive as well.

Since May of this year (2012), I’ve also been in intensive therapy with a world-renowned psychiatrist who is guiding me on this journey to recover emotionally and to empower me to move forward and take away the power from those who try to destroy me. I just wish I would have found him sooner.

So this blog is not an exposé or a pity party. It is a platform for sharing, learning, healing, and transforming lives — mine, my family’s, and hopefully, yours.

Thank you for taking this journey with me.

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This entry was posted in Adoption, beaten by mother, Child Abuse, Depression, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Family Secrets, Healing and Recovery, Mental Health, Murder attack, PTSD, Toxic Relationships, Traumatic Experiences and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Welcome to My World

  1. Mike Crocetti says:

    Your spirit and your strength will help so many people Becki i for one thank you for sharing this with all of us

    • Mike again thank you for your support. I have been thinking about you in Canada, your loved ones and hoping Sandy does not cause to much damage. You are in my thoughts.
      Love to you and yours .

  2. Mori Kam says:

    Becki, I am so glad you are getting help through your journey. There is calm and peace is possible. What doesn’t kill us might make us stronger, but we need to make sure it doesn’t scar us permanently. You are an amazing lady and I am looking forward to following your blog. Aloha nui to you and Ronnie.

  3. Kisa says:

    Becki I am so proud that you are writing this blog. It is so important that people realize they are not alone and that life will go on and that there are people out there who have gone through similar/life changing events. When I was being abused by my “partner” I was to ashamed to say anything and made excuses for the black eyes and bruises. I finally opened up to someone who I knew would not judge me for what was happening to me, it was then I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are doing an amazing thing Miss Becki and I am so proud to know you!

  4. Princess Manda says:

    You are an amazing woman Auntie and in many ways remind me of my Mom..But in the end you both came out swinging and still stand strong..I still feel strong about moving to Oregon, I need a change in my life and also to be closer to you, Uncle Ronnie and closer to my Mom lol even if she lives in Vegas …You will always have me standing right behind of you 110% I’m here for you and I love you Auntie!! Keep doing what your doing and don’t let no one stop you!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

  5. Princess, You are the best .. Come see us .. Your Ohana misses you. XXXOOO.

  6. Lisa Christenson Grzanich says:

    I look forward to following you through youer journey. I wish you the best and fastest healing possible. I am so glad to hear about your loving husband and son. I think u will find that a lot of your healing power will be gained from the love u share with them. May God bless you Becki! Your childhood friend and almost cousin. Lisa

    • Lisa, Thank you for your support. I have so many great memories as a child with you. Your home was always a safe and happy place to be when I was a young. Thank you for caring and taking the time out to read my blog. My heart always feels so warm when I see the photo’s you post of your family on facebook. Be sure to tell your family hello from me.
      Becki

  7. Pingback: Calling All Readers « Deliberate Donkey

  8. Jackie says:

    I so much relate to the idea that every person’s struggle is valid. It’s not up to us to decide whose struggle is worse or what someone should be allowed to be upset over. In fact, for someone whose biggest concern is the color of their centerpiece or if their child made the team… I’m happy for them that their life has been peaceful to the point where the “small stuff” is a big deal. I also really relate to choosing not to be a victim. I don’t know that I could do it without my support system, but I do believe in it. I get a really strong, positive energy from you and I look forward to reading more!

  9. E. says:

    I was floored by your strength that seeps through every sentence here… Truly, you are a conqueror… not of others, but of your past.
    I wish you and your family the best the world can offer.

  10. Mavadelo says:

    Hi Becki, thanks for reposting this link to facebook. I hope that writing this blog for the past 18 months has helped you a bit and maybe helped some other people cope with bad stuff as well. I agree with you that stories like yours and in a way mine, need to be told. Not for sympathy or “personal gain” but to get it out of “the system” in the first place and as warning, help and/or support to others. Thanks for being you 🙂

    Martin

    • Thank you Martin. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by. Writing my story has helped me tremendously and I hope along the way I am able to continue to share and help others.
      Becki

  11. mandy says:

    Amazing that you wrote this nearly two years ago and it found it’s way to me, another survivor hoping to find your strength and prove that I no longer have to live a fear-based life. I’ve come a long way, and reading your story and seeing where you are at makes me know I have quite a ways to go–but it also shows me that it is possible. I’ve kept my past hidden for an entire lifetime because I never wanted sympathy or to draw attention to myself. But there are other reasons to tell a story, like you are. Someone, like me, just might need to hear. Thank you so much Becki.

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