Homeless In San Francisco (Part Two)

I did as sperm donor told me and got into Al’s car. Sperm donor asked me what was in the bag I was carrying. I told him,” Just some things from my desk.” He looked in my bag and saw cards that my co-workers gave me. He took the cards out and read a couple. He then asked me, “Why are they wishing you well and thanking you for being a part of the team?” I told him, “Because today is my last day.” He was furious and said, ” How are you going to support yourself.” I told him, “My Aunt has money put up for me that I saved.”

We arrived at my apartment and Al parked the car. I got out and started walking towards the elevator. I looked behind and Al, his girlfriend, and sperm donor were following me. I was angry because they were planning on coming up to my apartment. I just wanted to take a nap in peace and their appearance was hideous, I was so embarrassed to be seen with or connected in any way to them. It was so obvious they were drug addicts.

When we got into the apartment sperm donor followed me into the bathroom and wanted to know why I had an attitude. I said, “Because you and your friends are here that’s why.” He in so many words told me to change my attitude. I changed clothes and sat on my bed and the conversation immediately went to sperm donor’s adoption scam. He wouldn’t shut up and told me I had to go meet some people that were interested in adopting a baby. While he was talking, I wasn’t listening. I kept thinking to myself that I should call his mother. Then I decided that would not be a good idea because she allowed him to beat me when I lived there. I knew his mother would tell him that I called. I ended up agreeing to meet these people.

The next day I took the bus with sperm donor to an office in downtown San Francisco. I met with a man that arranged adoptions. The man wanted me to meet later that afternoon again in his office with perspective parents. Sperm donor and I went and sat by the waterfront for a few hours until I had to return to the “baby broker’s” office. I was in a daze sitting on the waterfront wishing he was gone, wishing he was the person I met long ago that was nice and charming so we could raise this child together. I always wanted him to change, but  the reality was he was an abusive, heartless drug addict. I was clinging to a person that would always be evil. I just couldn’t see it back then.

After meeting the adoptive parents, I felt that I should give the baby up. I was very depressed and life seemed hopeless. How would I care for this child anyway. My family had abandoned me and I only had a Great Aunt. My decision would be to follow through and allow the baby to be adopted. I would force sperm donor to let the adoption go through. Sperm donor had a warrant for his arrest in Chicago so I felt in the end he would not fight me. He could have the money, I didn’t care, that was all he wanted anyway, more money for cocaine. I decided to tell my Great Aunt my plans. My Great Aunt had tried to convince me to give the baby up for adoption, so she would be pleased. I would take back all the baby clothes, bassinet and other items I had gathered for the baby’s arrival.

For the next few weeks I fell into a deep depression. I skipped my next doctor appointment and rarely saw sperm donor or left my apartment. Most of the time I chose not to answer my phone when it rang and just slept buried in my covers in a dark apartment. I tried to convince myself the best thing was for this baby to be adopted. However on that dreary November fourth afternoon my mind changed. I was in labor and sperm donor was no where to be found. I called the drug house and Al’s mother, also a dealer told me sperm donor and Al were gone. I called a cab and went to the hospital. This hospital was not the hospital I planned on giving birth at. I went to the county hospital, San Francisco General.

I checked in and told them I did not have a doctor, the nurse asked me a lot of questions and I lied to her. They took me into a room and confirmed I was in labor. The labor was slow and I was crying with worry which put a lot of stress on the baby. Finally I reached sperm donor after multiple calls. He was at the drug house getting high and assured me that Al would drive him to the hospital. After a couple hours sperm donor arrived. The nurse was in the room with me when he came through the door. I asked the nurse to leave because I needed to talk to him alone.

Sperm donor wanted to know why I was in this hospital. I told him that my mind was changed and I was keeping the baby. He was so high and he looked like he just crawled out of a ditch. We argued, and later I found out the nurse heard our entire conversation. I would also learn later that when I got out of bed to use the bathroom sperm donor stole my apartment keys out of my purse. I had never allowed him to have a key to the apartment. My key said, do not duplicate and I would have to pay the apartment complex $25.00 for an additional key so he never questioned not having one.

Sperm donor left the hospital room and said he would be back. He was angry and twisted my arm so hard it bruised.

The nurse came in and checked my vitals. I could tell she knew something was not right. The nurse said, “Becki do you have a birthing coach or anyone that will be supporting you while in the hospital?” I told her, “No” My son was born November 5, 1984. He was beautiful and other than having thrush he was healthy. The nurses took him to the nursery to clean him up soon after his birth. Sperm donor never returned to the hospital. I called the drug house to tell him he had a son, but Al’s mother said he was not there.

I walked to the nursery to see my son and there was a note on his bassinet that noted he was not to leave the nursery. I said to the nurse,” Why can’t my son leave the nursery?” She said, “There will be a social worker coming to your room soon to discuss this with you.” I was so nervous. I went back to my room and again tried to call sperm donor, once again he was not there.

The social worker came to my room about an hour later and told me there was a hold on my son and he would have to stay at the hospital until he was placed in foster care. I cried and cried and begged her to let me take him home. She told me that she did not have authorization to allow him to leave. That afternoon an investigator came to talk with me and I told him the entire truth. To only be used against me later.

I left the hospital alone, in a cab only to return to my apartment and find out my keys were not in my purse. I went to the office and requested to be let in. Of course only to be asked how my baby was. I told them he had to stay at the hospital for awhile. I walked into my apartment and it was in shambles, food on the counter, used pans on the stove, and many of my possessions, including my Aunt’s TV gone. It was then I realized sperm donor had stole my keys out of my purse and came into my apartment while I was giving birth. I wanted to kill him.

I ran to my bathroom to see if my jewelry and the money I had hid in my make-up case were still there. Nope everything was gone. Sperm donor had ripped me off and 3/4 of my rent money gone. I dropped on the carpet by the cabinet and sobbed. I was in labor with his son and he was pilfering through my apartment while I was in labor. I checked my answering machine there was several messages from my Aunt and the baby broker. I ignored them all, I was in pain from giving birth and my heart was broken, because I did not have my son with me. I grabbed the vacuum cleaner’s metal attachments and put them together. I turned the lights out and sat in my recliner waiting for sperm donor to enter. I was going to beat him to death as soon as he walked through the door.

The completion of this story tomorrow.

This entry was posted in Depression, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Family Secrets, Toxic Relationships, Traumatic Experiences and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Homeless In San Francisco (Part Two)

  1. Sheila Schlicht says:

    Wow Becki…..

  2. Wow is right , these kids had no idea what they were asking for when they decided to open Pandora’s box. Now they get to read it in a blog.

  3. I feel like I want to sit there with you at the door in part to join in with your plan and in part so you weren’t alone.. It’s horrific what he was doing.
    Hugs dear friend xo

  4. I was an idiot and also take full responsibility for my part in all this crap. How I let him control me the way he did I will never understand. I am very ashamed of myself because people were hurt.

  5. When you are being controlled by someone, it is very hard to think straight; you tend to live in their world, so they sound right and make sense. I hope that, tomorrow, I read that things are okay, you are getting better, and that sperm donor is out of your life. That is my hope.

  6. Scott ,
    Yes sperm donor has been gone for well over 2 decades now. Looking back its very difficult to imagine myself ever being involved with him. He is a very bad man and never changed. He has spent more then 25 years of his life behind bars. I grew up in a home that was very abusive and I ended up choosing abusive relationships as an adult. I really new how to pick the losers in my 20’s and early 30’s. I have been fortunate for the last 20 years to have an abuse free relationship.

  7. Melanie says:

    I was alone when I gave birth to my son. My sperm donor sat around the corner playing with his new phone, sleeping, and watching TV. It wasn’t until it was time to push that he bothered to come to my side. By then the nurses were fed up with his attitude and wouldn’t let him near me while I gave birth.

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