She Died Of AIDS

February of 1977 is when I moved in with my biological father, my step-mother, Nancy  and my twin sisters, Kris and Kim. I was elated to leave my mother’s house of horror and live with my Dad. After a few weeks of the ” honey moon period”, it was obvious that my step-mother was less then thrilled with my arrival.

My step-mother thought when I moved in that she now had a built in baby sitter and house keeper. My twin sisters were babies when I arrived and had colic, most of their days and nights were spent crying.

My step-mom was the primary caretaker of the children. My Dad did not seem to have much interest in the twins. A neighbor of my Dad’s named Berta, also cared for the twins. Berta was from Germany and had a heavy accent. Berta spent more time with the twins then my step-mom did.

Most days I would wake to find Berta in the house cleaning, doing dishes and caring for my twin sisters. I would ask Berta where Nancy was and Berta would usually reply she is garage sale hopping, at the coffee shop or feeding her horse. On the weekends Berta was usually caring for the twins while Nancy was trail riding on her horse. On many occasions Berta would get angry that Nancy would be gone for hours longer then Berta had agreed to care for the twins. Berta would vent her frustration to me that Nancy needed to spend more time with the twins and not in the local coffee shop or at the horse barn.

On multiple occasions my step-mom would tell me if asked by my Dad what time she left, to tell him that it was actually hours later then when she left. I generally ignored her when she would ask me to lie for her. Or I would tell her that I wasn’t planning on being home when he arrived to tell him anything.  I did not want to be put into a position to tell my Dad a lie for her. I knew she was spending part of her time with another guy, because I had friends that saw her with a guy named Bill. I would later learn that Bill married my Dad’s sister. I always wished my step-mom would just leave my Dad and go with this guy permanently. But it was the financial security that kept her with Dad.

One summer my step-mom planned a trip with the twins to visit her sister in South Dakota. Dad and I stayed home and it was the best week of the entire time I lived with him.

My step-mother was a cowgirl and not a classy type of cowgirl but a “ghetto one”, I remember her hair was yellow not blond, because she dyed her own hair so it was usually fried and a complete mess. I was always embarrassed to go out of the house with her in public because she looked so un-kept and cheap. My step-mother and I came from two different worlds. The only nice thing I can say about my own mother is physically she was very attractive and intelligent. My father says that at one time my mom was a very nice person.

I believe my mother was in love with my Dad and part of the reason she was so abusive to me is that I looked like my Dad. My parents divorced because my Dad went to jail for modern day cattle rustling. My mother was too embarrassed to deal with my Dad in jail. I am sure she was worried what her friends and family thought about him being in jail.

It did not take me long to figure out that my Dad and step-mom were not in love. I believe my step-mom, Nancy was in a relationship with my Dad purely for financial reasons. I have no idea why my father married her. During the time I lived with my Dad, Nancy and he had separate bedrooms and I never saw them affectionate to one another. My Dad was a handsome, intelligent man and my step-mom was very unattractive and uneducated. My step-mom even had difficulty writing a simple letter and would ask me to spell for her the most common of words.

My Dad was loved by everyone and was a very charming, witty and a funny guy. He was a lot of fun to be around. I loved hanging out with Dad and so did my friends. He definitely spoiled me materially. Our common interest was cars and since I obtained a drivers license at 16 years old I have purchased over 45 cars.  My dad had hundreds of cars. He also bought and sold horses and had a very nice horse ranch called Three Bar Ranch. I did not have an interest in horses, trail riding or camping. My step-mom and sisters did and my step-mom took full advantage of him owing a ranch.

My step-mom also had a son, Barry from a previous relationship. Barry lived with my step-mom’s mother, Ruth. Barry rarely would visit us and I am not sure why he lived with Ruth vs. in our home. When Barry was an adult he shot and killed himself at the kitchen table while in an argument with his wife.

After my Dad was awarded custody of me and my mother proved an unfit mother by the court, living with Dad was becoming uncomfortable. Nancy and I barely spoke to each other. I knew she was cheating on my Dad and taking advantage of him. I had a large beautiful bedroom that my Dad built for me. It was more like a living room than a bedroom. Nancy was jealous that Dad built an addition onto our home just for me. I was leaving our house one summer day to hang out with friends when I heard Nancy on the telephone. Nancy was telling Berta that she was looking forward to the day that I moved out so she could convert my room into the twins’ playroom. Nancy continued to tell Berta how unfair it was I had such a large room and the twins’had a small one.

I was so angry that Nancy was talking about me. I walked into the kitchen where she was talking and stood in front of her. She hung up the phone and we got into a heated argument. I was only 16 years old. One of Nancy’s statements to me was she couldn’t wait for me to move out and she wished I had never moved in. We exchanged a lot of cruel words to each other and it ended in her grabbing a mayonnaise jar off of the counter and throwing it at my head. She missed my head and mayonnaise went all over the wall. Dad heard the argument from downstairs and came running up.

I told my Dad she was going to get her wish and I would make plans to move out. I yelled back at Dad that my wish is that he would have never married an ugly troll like Nancy and that he deserved so much better. The next day when I came home Nancy told me that Dad had hit her and the entire side of her head was swelled up and she hoped I was happy. I am not sure if my Dad actually hit Nancy because I never asked him. My Dad never once hit me and he always treated me very well.

After that fight with Nancy it would be weeks before we spoke to each other. Eventually Nancy and my Dad divorced. My Dad ended up in prison again and I believe now after doing my own investigation it was Nancy that put him there. We will never know for sure because Nancy died from AIDS. Not because she was a drug user, but because she hopped into bed unprotected with an infected person. I am just thankful my Dad did not catch AIDS. Nancy died a long painful death from AIDS. My Dad married 2 more times.

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This entry was posted in AIDS, Child Abuse, Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Family Secrets and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to She Died Of AIDS

  1. How was your relationship with the twins? Are you still in touch with them?

  2. No I am not, one is a drug addict and the other is self consumed but she has a great husband 🙂

  3. Oh Becki that sounds horrific! It’s so sad that Nancy stole precious time with your father from you. It reminded me of the Cinderella story. Big Hugs dear friend! xo

  4. Melanie says:

    Nancy got what she was asking for.

  5. Melanie , I so agree…. She was a mean bitch , I didn’t even touch on how evil she was.

  6. AR Neal says:

    Where do these people come from? Oh, I got it… they are the witches of the world, They cast spells on well-meaning and unsuspecting folks and wham! next thing you know, they’re in your family. So sorry for your experience, but each of them causes us to be the unique people we are (or so it’s said :D). Great blog, by the way!

  7. sue says:

    It’s a shame you didn’t have a step-mother who was capable of giving you the nurturing that you never had from your biological mother. My mother sounds a lot like yours; she was abusive and distant. She blamed everything that was wrong in her life on me. She even tried to blame my father’s suicide attempt on me when I was 13. I never realized until recently how much damage that did to me. I was lucky enough to gain a wonderful mother-in-law when I married my husband 20 years ago. If not for her, I’d never know what it’s like to be loved by a mother. She actually made me feel worthy of being loved.

    From the outside, my family looked like such a perfect family – I’ve never told anyone but my husband about the horrible things I had to endure. My parents both died this year and so many repressed memories and feelings have come up. I feel like I’ve been living a lie. I can see how it must be liberating to tell the truth about your life – even if it is anonymously on the internet.

  8. tersiaburger says:

    How dreadfully sad your childhood was… It makes me angry because every child deserves a happy childhood. Hugs

  9. Sue, First thank you for finding my blog and taking time out to read and leave a comment. My step-mom was definitely not happy with anyone taking away “money” from her and the twins… And that was all she was more worried about, how much money it would cost for my Father to fight my mom in a custody battle then anything else. I also was blessed to have a wonderful mother-ln-law even though there is 2500 miles between us. My family also looked like the perfect family from the outside. Now I am finding out how many other children my age were experiencing the same abuse in their households. I always thought I was the only one in my group of peers.
    Sorry for the passing of your parents and that you were not able to release your feelings to them. I was able to tell my father my feelings and have a better understanding now what he was also suffering through. I am now for the most part am at peace with him. My blog actually is not anonymous. I emailed all involved about what was coming and shared my blog address with most of my former classmates and extending family. Feel free at anytime to contact me via email and or my blog if you need someone to share with. Best wishes.

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