Guest Post: The Right of Writing

Today I’m featuring a post from a guest writer. Please welcome Melanie from the blog Deliberate Donkey. Melanie writes about her past and ongoing experiences with domestic violence, the damages it causes a person and a family, and her continual process to rediscovering herself. 

Sometimes the write therapy is the right therapy.

Writing out my story has allowed me to bare my soul without enduring the accusational cues of a therapist, the “uh huh”s, “hmmm”s, and “oh”s coupled with subtle brow wrinkles, up-turned noses, and seat-shifting. I saw them judging me, disguised as diagnoses, frantically searching their brains for the clinical term for “her life really fucking sucks right now”.

There was no manic depression, no clinical depression, no major depression, or atypical depression, and there are no pills FDA approved to cure “life is just really heavy right now and I need to lighten the weight.” Sure, physicians and clinicians will offer, push, demand, and guilt one into pharmaceuticals, but that isn’t always the right answer. It wasn’t for me. I know because I tried their pills. Dozens of them in multiple combinations.

I started an intensive program of writing therapy. This was self-prescribed. Happy pills made me sad, so I started a blog. Therapists were expensive, judgmental, and completely out of touch with the dynamics of domestic violence, so I wrote. I wrote some more. I wrote and wrote and wrote until my wrists and fingers swelled and ached with the relief of relieving the pent-up tension of the prison sentence that was my abusive marriage and high-conflict divorce. I quit the pills and continued the writing.

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That’s what I needed – I needed the situation out of my head, not hidden in the high of manufactured happiness. Writing it out is giving me my life back.

By writing my story, I help myself. I take the memories and the pain out of the file boxes of my mind and onto paper – or, really, screen since it’s a blog. I don’t have to remember what has happened and what is happening for the next court date, because I have it written out, documented, and organized through categories and tags. The weight of those memories no longer rests on my shoulders. I have felt the stress lightened simply by putting it out of my head, turning it from thoughts to words.

By writing my story, I help others. I am not the only one who has experienced the horror of abuse. I am not the only one who was degraded so many times that I began to believe it. I am not the only one who couldn’t stand up for myself without getting knocked down, figuratively and literally. But until I started writing my story, I felt like I was.

Now I can share my story with others who have experienced the same thing, and together we can support each other through our recovery. Now I can share my story with others who are just beginning to realize they are experiencing the same thing, and with others who know someone who is experiencing this.

Writing it out isn’t about being a good writer or a good storyteller. It’s about transferring the pain. It’s amazing how relieving it is to write it out. I revisit the pain less because I took it out of my head and put it onto paper. I have to open that book to remember the pain, and that is a book I don’t open. I am writing to move from sadness to happiness.

I am happier now after writing for a year than I ever was while trying to seek out therapists who didn’t suck. While seeking therapists, I only ever told one part of the story over and over and over. Writing it out has allowed me to dive into the complete story. There is no repetition. The next page knows what I have already told the last page. A new piece of paper doesn’t require I repeat what I told the last piece of paper, like a new therapist required I repeat what I had told the last therapist.

Writing this on a blog has cost less than therapy, and has done more for me than talk therapy ever did. Writing this on a blog has given me a support system that is available all day, every day, from as close as down the road to as far away as the other side of the world. Writing this on a blog has helped me to organize the craziness.

Writing it out has given me everything, and more.

More Posts from Melanie:

Articles on Writing Therapy:

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About Melanie

I'm grilling in a dress. What more do you need to know?
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36 Responses to Guest Post: The Right of Writing

  1. Writing is amazing, it the first place I could be completely real without feeling judged, and I knew some really understood. Keep writing friend!

  2. Melanie has been a wonderful support to me and a new true friend, unlike most of the BBF
    (Before Blog Friends). One day I hope to be able to express myself and have my readers feel in my words the feeling I have when reading Melanie’s word’s. Placing my life on a screen for the world to read has also been healing and rewarding. It is a safe place to finally be true to myself and others. Recently there has been a reader who is is upset with me for telling a small portion of Kevin Duckworth’s downfall. See post on my blog under “The Rise And Fall of Portland Trailblazer Kevin Duckworth. To all that feel the same it may be because you don’t like your sense of judgement to be shaken. Maybe your ideals were betrayed, or possibly now you feel insecure about yourself and beliefs. Melanie’s blog, my blog and many of my friends and readers blogs are RAW and REAL. A large number of readers that choose to email me vs. leaving a comment on my blog are evaluating their own reality as well. Spend sometime when you can and check out Melanie’s blog….
    Thanks Melanie

    • Melanie says:

      Our blogs are raw and real. I have posts that are in the moment of fear, hurt, shame, and pain. I have others that I spend days working on composing. Whatever and however I am writing, I am writing to heal, and along the way I have helped others and others have helped me.

  3. Normal is boring, so I heard says:

    I am all for healing and growing from personal trauma – may have to get notebook out and try this. Thank you for inspiring me to try something new!! I agree therapy and pills – aren’t for everyone.

  4. Melanie says:

    Reblogged this on Deliberate Donkey and commented:

    Check out my guest post on “I Survived a Murder Attack” on the benefits of writing out my story and how it has helped me heal.

  5. SStitches says:

    “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Mark Twain meant wit when he wrote those words, but he was right on a very metaphysical level: If you TELL the truth, you don’t HAVE TO remember anything. You have released it. You have let its terrible energy go from within you.

    • Melanie says:

      Mark Twain had a lot of smartalec things to say that were actually pretty smart.
      The terrible energy is out, gone. Now writing is my go-to for frustration, sadness, and anger. That’s better medicine than putting medicine in, for me at least.

  6. twindaddy says:

    I didn’t start blogging as an outlet for all of the pent up memories and emotional trauma stuck in my head, but that eventually happened and I’ve become a better person for it. Expressive writing really is beneficial and the support system I’ve gained from blogging has been unexpected and phenomenal. I’m so very glad we found each other, Melanie, and I’m glad you’re finally on your way to happiness once again. You SO deserve to be happy.

    • Melanie says:

      I started specifically to use it as a release, but I was surprised to find the supportive community that came with it. As I’ve worked through this ordeal, I have had several people stand with me, help me through, cheer me up, and offer kind-hearted advice. That quadrupled the effects of the writing therapy.

      • twindaddy says:

        The support was an unexpected benefit. I had no idea there was such a supportive community of people out there. I’m so glad I found them.

      • Melanie says:

        When people ask me where to write, I always suggest WordPress for the supportive community. The community makes it a wonderful place to write. If the world were like WordPress, it would be in much better shape.

      • twindaddy says:

        You are absolutely right.

  7. AR Neal says:

    Reblogged this on One Starving Activist and commented:
    Yeah, abuse is a terrible thing. And if you’ve never been there, read a bit more here to learn before you make a judgement either way…

    • Melanie says:

      Thank you for sharing this with your readers.
      Abuse is a terrible, and unfortunately hushed, epidemic. People should listen more, especially before judging.

  8. Writing out my past has been the best thing that has happened to me. If people read it, and relate, fine, if not, fine. It’s helping me, I can try to grasp what has gone on. HUGS lovie.

  9. Great post! I too write to heal and hopefully help someone else. Nevervin my wildest imagination did I expect to receive all the support I have or how therapeutic it would be.

    • Melanie says:

      Like you, I expected to gain perspective and heal, but the support and the community was unexpected and so very welcomed. I lean on that as much as getting the story off my chest.

  10. Great post which beautifully articulates the benefits of writing and pouring our hearts and souls onto the cyber paper. And likr you stated the benefits of the community and support system which we gain through the writing.

    Wright/Right ON

    🙂
    ivonne

    • Melanie says:

      Thank you. WordPress was a good choice for blogging because we get double the benefits – first for getting it out of my head and second for the support.
      Wright/Right ON 🙂

  11. I follow both you and Becki. You are absolutely right about writing, but it doesn’t work for everybody. I really enjoy reading your blog and I also hope that I can help others in some small way by posting my story. My partner’s ex is similar to yours in many ways. She has read your blog, but after some attempts, she can’t really seem to blog. It’s just not “her” thing. Maybe someday she will. I, on the other hand, barely ever shut up. If I didn’t work, I would blog every day! Thanks for sharing with us! 🙂

    • Melanie says:

      I found that once I started, I couldn’t stop. It all just started to come out like the floodgates were opened. I wouldn’t have kept going if that didn’t happen though. I wasn’t sure when I started if I would be able to keep writing, but I could and it’s been good for me. Thank you for reading, and for sharing with your partner.

      • I get behind on the reading sometimes, but I catch up eventually! A friend advised me that I should read your blog, she was right!

      • Melanie says:

        Thank your friend for me too. I do appreciate the support from the readers who come over to read what I have to write. I am asking for guest posts this summer, if your partner (or you) would like to do one story instead of committing to an entire blog.

      • I have a blog, but I will ask her.

      • Melanie says:

        All the information is in the post I published this evening called “Happiness and an Invitation”.

  12. Pingback: A Clown and a Donkey Walk Into a Bar | Black Box Warnings

  13. Pingback: Thank you | Deliberate Donkey

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