Quite a few years ago and after I was stabbed, I served on a Board Of Director’s as the Chair Person Of Fundraising for a Domestic Violence Resource Center.
I also worked tirelessly on a campaign for a friend and mentor that was seeking a seat in the United States House Of Representatives. My friend was victorious and she became an icon in Oregon fighting the fight against domestic violence and child abuse.
Between holding my chair position, dedicating long hours to my friend’s campaign, working full time and raising my sons I was exhausted. I was honored and humbled that the “prestigious people” wanted my assistance and voice. I was even invited as a VIP to a Governors election night party at a swanky hotel in downtown Portland. This Governor was elected and I was very proud to be a guest at his party. In fact years later he was elected again and is our Governor today.
All the political hoopla I became involved with was
entertaining interesting. What really interested me during this time of hobnobbing outside of my normal social network was women in prison for killing their abusive partner’s.
Yep that was my interest and still is. My opinion is most of these women should be released from prison. They should be pardoned.Most of the victims of child abuse that killed a parent or parents after years of abuse, should be released from prison. Please note, I am talking about a case by case basis here and I said “most.”
I often wondered when I was being stabbed, had I been able to over power my attacker and kill him would I be in prison? Had I made the decision to challenge my mother in one of her rages and beat her to death would I be in prison?
There are many women in prison who defended themselves and killed their abusive partners in the heat of a battle.There are children that suffered horrendous abuse for years. These children were unable to suffer through another beating and killed their parents.
I never thought about killing my attacker when he stabbed me because there never was a violent episode before the attack. I did however many times over and over think about killing my mother.
The first time I had thoughts about killing my mother I was 13 years old. She had kicked me in the head, stomach, legs, back and punched me in the ear and blackened my eye. She attacked me in our basement family room. I had moved her needle point project off the couch to lay down and somehow the ring she used around her needle point project came loose.
After the beating as usual I was told what a horrible rotten bitch I was and sent to my room. I laid on my bed crying, quietly of course with thoughts of killing her racing through my head. That day was the day that I realized she would never ever change and never love me. She hated me and I was certain she would eventually one day not just beat me but kill me.
I wanted her dead and to rot. The pictures in my head were horrible.. mom dead.. laying in a field with vultures tearing her evil body to shreds. But how would I kill her? I wasn’t even able to defend myself against her. I was petrified of her. The thoughts of killing would escape my mind when I thought of how my brothers would miss her. That if I killed her she would win because I would be in prison. I also feared the site of a dead person more then I feared my mothers beatings. So killing her was out of the question.
My mom was also a drunk, she drank vodka daily so maybe she would get drunk and drown or fall down in her drunkenness and hit her head. Or maybe choke on her vomit when she would start throwing up. I wished all these scenarios on her. But I couldn’t do it because my heart was not capable of taking her away from her mother or her sons.
There are two cases I worked feverishly on for these women to be released from prison for killing their partners. One was successful and one was not. I often wondered would I have been released or pardoned for killing my mom.
I have tremendous anger toward my mother, especially after talking with childhood friends from Illinois that were unaware of why I left the state. There are still many people that do not know the truth but because of this blog they are finding out. I want to make it very clear that I was never a prostitute nor was I ever arrested for prostituting.My mother was not called to the morgue in Chicago every time a prostitute was killed to potentially identify me as the victim. This story was told to countless friends and family members that live in Illinois by my mother. Police detectives do not do that !!
I never threatened my mother with a ‘shotgun” and said I was going to kill her. I have never once called her and threatened her life and caused her to seek police protection. In fact I have not called her since 1982. I also do not have any warrants for my arrest in Illinois, another story my mother told to relatives of my step-fathers in an attempt to keep them away from me.
And to all of you in Oregon that I told my mother had died. To me she did 31 years ago. However she is very much alive and will be 70 years old July 10, 2013. My step-mother passed away, but the
bitch woman that birthed me is very much alive. She reads this blog and it is the truth and exploiting her that is my revenge. She is tagged in my blog so if she was to be googled by name my blog will appear. I have just began to deal with her and the abuse and I am very angry. I hope one day to find peace from her killing me.
Please consider voting to expand the definition of justifiable homicide.
This post was wrote in haste and is un-edited. for that I apologize.