“What Did I Do To Deserve This?”

Despite all the abuse from my Mother, I am still thankful I was raised in Illinois. A very close friend of mine in Oregon was raised in Wisconsin. When my friend and I get together we laugh about growing up in the 60’s and 70’s in the Midwest. Both of us had very traumatic abusive childhoods and suffer from PTSD. We are the same age and both of us were able to enjoy successful careers.

We cry and laugh together when discussing our experiences. We take comfort in each other and find laughter is our best medicine when reminiscing about our childhoods in the Midwest.One of our favorite topic’s is our family colloquialisms. I am going to share them with you and feel free to comment and share yours with my readers and I. There are many more colloquialisms that I have surely forgot, but growing up in what was once my family these are the ones that stick in my mind.

“You are going to hell in a hand basket if you don’t change your ways.”

“Do you want people to think you were raised by wolves?”

“And who do you think you are? The Queen of Sheeba?” (Is there even such a place?)

“You kids will be the death of me yet.”

“Don’t make me pull this car over.”

“Wipe that smirk off your face or I will wipe it off for you.”

“Always wear clean underwear you may have to go to the hospital.”

“I will hit you so hard your brother’s will feel it.”

“Don’t get smart with me.”

“Do as I say, not as I do.”

“I will smack you so hard you will be picking your teeth up off the floor.”

“If you get in trouble at school, you’ll get it 10 times worse when you get home.”

“I am going to knock you into next week.”

“You have to the count of three.”

“You look with your eyes not your hands.”

“I suppose you think you are special, Lady Jane.” (Who is Lady Jane anyway?)

“Answer me when I am talking to you.”

“I don’t want to hear another peep out of you.” (Which was always followed by, Do you hear me?”

“When hell freezes over.”

“Stand up straight.” ( As if we would be permanently hunched over from occasionally slouching)

“Respect your elders.” ( Look where that got us)

“Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.”

“Close the door! Where you raised in a barn?” (I think a barn would of been better then my home)

“Stop crying before I give you something to cry about.” (This one always worked)

“Your face is going to freeze that way.” ( I believed this would happen)

“Elbows off the table.” (Again usually followed by, “Were you born in a barn.”)

“You brought this on yourself.”

“One day God willing you’ll have one just like you.” (Pretty sure she was right)

“Pick your feet up.”

“What would the neighbors think?”

“You are dumber than a box of rocks.”

“There are starving kids in Africa that would gladly eat your dinner.” (Send it to them was my thought. Sometimes this included children in Viet Nam )

“Oh, fer cryin out loud.”

“Quit your bellyaching.”

“Not one red cent.”

“Cut the malarkey.”

“Why do I bother?, Do I look stupid?” (Never ever answer this question truthfully if asked)

“Don’t make me come in there.”

“Children need to be seen and not heard, so don’t open your mouth.” (Again usually followed by ear pulling and, “Did you hear me?”

“You are going to look like you are happy when we get there!” (On our way to a family event after a beating)

“You want a knuckle sandwich?With fist sauce?’

“I wouldn’t walk across the street to see those idiots.”

“Close the door! You think I am air conditioning the whole damn neighborhood?”

“You’ll get nothing and like it.”

“You are not going to hang out with those hooligans.”

“It’s not a debate.”

“Just wait until I get you home.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“Not in my house you won’t.”

“He’s got more _______ than Carter’s got pills.’

“Clean up this pigsty.” (I was the house cleaner my mother was the pig that created the pigsty)

“Do you think money grows on trees?”

“I need (X) like I need a hole in my head.”

“Do you think you are the goose that laid the golden egg?”

“If you haven’t learned anything you best learn this.”

And my all time favorite……. Drum roll please.. “What did I do to deserve you?” This was a trick question for sure. A saying I heard on a daily basis and usually followed by fists pounding on a counter, wall or my head.

I must admit several of these I am guilty of using myself. Unfortunately I did learn something from her.

This entry was posted in Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Family Colloquialisms, Growing up in midwest, PTSD, Traumatic Experiences and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to “What Did I Do To Deserve This?”

  1. Ugh I felt those and heard a lot of them sorry you did too. Here’s a few more..
    “Shame on you”
    “Wait until your father comes home”
    “I want to have a talk with you” (usually followed by a 5 hr. lecture on how wrong I was in every way)
    “Can’t you look like, be more like…”
    “She’s looking for attention” (Well ya since I never got any)
    “I’m going to take you to the cellar” (that was when he decided i was really bad, and he would take me down there pull my pants down put me over his knee and spank me”)

  2. AR Neal says:

    Oh, man! Some of these are our favorites to laugh about (now). I think my favorite, used (still by me to this day) is a “see you tomorrow” followed by “God willin’ and the crick don’t rise” (creek was always pronounced “crick” where I grew up) 😀

    • We also called the creek a ” crick” I was going to spell it that way but figured most would not know what the heck I was talking about.. I should of and explained… Thanks for sharing I remember the “God willin'” used after so many phrases..

  3. As a fellow mid-westerner (grew up there) I can so relate to these. Thanks for the reminders.

  4. bert0001 says:

    Living and raised in a different part of the world, and also heard many of those.

  5. Melanie says:

    My favorite from growing up confused me until I grew up. It was not meant in a harsh way, like so many of those were used towards to. My grandma used to dismiss her mis-spoken instructions with “listen to what I mean, not what I say.” Classic. That one rings true with so many things. Even though my abuser never used that phrase, that’s exactly what he wanted me to do.

  6. I know this is a serious subject – but I couldn’t help but smile. Only because, I remember my mother telling me in middle of a very long sermon in Catholic Church (I know, for reals) “If you don’t stop that right now, WE are going to the BATHROOM”. I was around 5 or 6? Really, your going to tune me up in the church bathroom? For acting my age? The logic just escapes me.

  7. Of that list the one that has the most memories is “He’s got more _______ than Carter’s got pills.” I said this once to daughter or son and the response was so timely: “Isn’t it ‘Carter’s got peanuts’?”
    Gotta love em. I am sorry your parents didn’t love you the way they should have.

  8. Oh the bathroom one…Yep I remember that one well. It also was said to me in church.. I usually would get pinches on the arm while in church service. One time I yelled out “Ouch that hurts” when she pinched me. Oh boy did I get in trouble after church.

  9. I stayed with my great grandma for a few years when I was a kid and I remember “Why can’t you be more like ______ ?” and “I’m counting up to five and then you”re gonna get .”

  10. I hate these things. I may have let one slip a time or two, but as far as I know, I have never used them with my kids or anywhere. My husband did and I hated it. He did use them abusively of course. Why I left.

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