He’s Perfect, and I Miss Him

I am really opening myself up with this post. The past few day’s my heart has been heavy. I miss my Grandson Anthony. It’s best for me to write about it and not stuff my feelings. My Grandson Anthony’s Mother is Ali. Not to be confused with my eldest offspring who is also named Anthony.

Anthony is perfect, He is funny, witty and extremely smart beyond his years. He is adorable and the only child other then my son Lance that I spent over an hour in a video game store. Anthony was searching for the perfect games to rent and could not decide.

Anthony is kind and thoughtful of others. He washes his hands when he is finished using the bathroom without being asked. (Most kids are never taught this and it disgusts me) He is very polite and always says please and thank you.

Some of Anthony’s favorite activities he loved to do when visiting my home was cleaning. One of the reasons he won my heart. Anthony loves to vacuum and wash dishes and be helpful. Even with his domestic side he is all boy. Ronnie and Anthony would play video games together all night and he would be so excited when he beat “Papa”.

Anthony  loved having me read him books when he spent the night and would cuddle in bed with us. Anthony insisted on sleeping between Ronnie and I. We would read the same book several times and then Anthony would want a movie usually Scooby Do. Anthony would watch Scooby Do and I would fall asleep. If I turned away from him while sleeping he would wake me up every time and say, “Nana put your face by me”.

In my nightstand there was a drawer that almost always had M&M’S. One night after he watched Scooby Do for the 2nd time Anthony woke me up. I woke up to Anthony tapping on my face with his adorable face inches away, he wanted M&M’S. Not fully awake I grabbed the bag from the drawer and handed him the M&M’S. The next morning I realized I had gave my Grandson a full bag on M&M’S. He got me that time!!

My favorite memory of Anthony was one night we were all tucked in our bed sound asleep and suddenly Anthony woke up with a faint scream. I asked Anthony what was wrong and he said, “I had a bad dream, there was a squirrel in my dream and I went to touch him and he said Boo.” Oh my gosh, I tried so hard to contain my laughter while attempting to comfort him.

Anthony never complained or whined when he was at our house and always begged to stay longer when his Mom picked him up. His laugh was contagious and smile would melt my heart.

Anthony is precious and is missed by Ronnie and I both. I have never really missed a family member like I do Anthony. It’s sad that Ali and I could not manage a relationship that lasted beyond a few month’s. I accept a lot of the blame for our failed attempts and part of me wishes this last time of re-connecting would of never happened. It just made my heart break even more.

What triggered my sadness this week was when I opened the sideboard in our living room. Inside the sideboard was the small storage container that held the money I gave Anthony when he visited.  Anthony will forever hold a special place in my heart.

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This entry was posted in Depression, Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Grandchildren, Open adoption and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to He’s Perfect, and I Miss Him

  1. Awww I’m sorry you can’t see him. Sending hugs to you xo

  2. eva says:

    Becki, are you not seeing him at all? No grandparents visitation? Does he live far? If he is close by, and its possible, you should see about having him once a week, once every few weeks or whatever works. Its hard on a child to form that bond and then have no contact whatsoever. I had to fight to see my grandchild but it was so worth it and she and I are so close because I did pursue it.

    • No I can’t see him. His mother is the child I gave up for adoption. When she is angry with me she takes him away. I just miss him and needed to get it out. i was hoping to help care for him this summer and we had talked about taking him to Disneyland for his Birthday. There is nothing better then seeing Disneyland through a childs eyes.

    • No I can’t see him. His mother is the child I gave up for adoption. When she is angry with me she takes him away. I just miss him and needed to get it out. I was hoping to help care for him this summer and we had talked about taking him to Disneyland for his Birthday. There is nothing better then seeing Disneyland through a child’s eyes.

  3. Lori Lara says:

    I’m so sorry…my heart breaks for you.

    Hold on to hope that someday (maybe soon) you’ll be reunited!

  4. Melanie says:

    I know how much it hurts to miss a child. I’m sorry you are feeling this.

    • Melanie I miss Anthony a lot. I was really looking forward to Disneyland this year with him and spending more time with him this summer. I wish Ali would of never sucked me in when she had that accident. Everything was going just fine until then. I should of stayed out of that mess.

      • Melanie says:

        I wish Erik had never sucked me into his delusional world either.
        I know it hurts. What she did is unforgivable.

  5. Bless you :/ Sorry you are hurting xB

  6. No chance of Ali allowing him to visit because he and you like each other? Could you put it to her that way? Just a thought.
    Scott

  7. So sorry on this also, I see you already have this, but I am seconding you on this one. Hey I nominated you for: http://blueribbonfair.wordpress.com/2013/07/11/so-happy-the-wordpress-family-award/ I am worn out and finished finally with the award and am not switching you out, so you a double on this one from me. You deserve it. Prayers for you always.

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