The Artwork And The Narcissist

The artwork on my blog header has generated many questions since I started blogging seven months ago. I receive emails weekly from readers: “where did you find the layout”,”what website did you copy the artwork from”, “what provoked you to use this artwork”? I also receive many compliments about the artwork.

The frame was given to me as a gift from my eldest son Anthony (hereafter refered to as the narcissist). The frame originally had photos of family that were taken at his engagement party. After a series of events, I removed the photos and asked a friend of mine to help me create a new work of art to be used as my blog header.

My husband and I obtained a professional photographer to capture the engagement when the narcissist asked his now-wife to marry him. It was a happy event, and we wanted to have the tangible memories that photographs provide. The photographer captured over 300 photos of what, at the time, was a special moment. The narcissist selected several of those photos and framed them for me. For a long time, the frame hung on a wall in our home for all who visited to see.

In the months that followed the prince charming narcissist showed his true colors. His then-fiancé called me crying one day as she was leaving the doctor’s office. She went to the doctor, feeling sick, and it was determined that she had had a miscarriage. The fiancé told me she had called the narcissist and he said he was glad she miscarried and that he did not want a child with her. He told her that he would be jealous of a baby. Through her tears she continued to babble about how insensitive, cruel, and heartless the narcissist was.

The fiancé also told me the narcissist wanted her to give him back the engagement ring. I told my future daughter-in-law to take the ring and hide it. She assured me she would remove the ring from their apartment. I told her that he would calm down and everything would be ok. The narcissist cycles with his moods and always has. One minute he is fine and the next he is out-of-control and attacks verbally. Since I did not hear back from my future daughter-in-law, I knew all was fine and they had made up.

It was only a few weeks later when I received another call from the future daughter-in-law. Again she was crying hysterically. I told her to come over to our house and talk. She arrived at our home and told me and my husband that she had kissed the narcissist when he was asleep on their couch. The narcissist woke up angry that she kissed him and was in a rage that she would wake him up after he just finished a long day at work. The narcissist told her he didn’t love her, didn’t want to marry her, and he was going to move out.

My husband and I consoled her and told her to let him go. The narcissist began texting her that he was on a bridge in downtown Portland and was going to jump off. Crazy-making right? This is what narcissists do! The narcissist then started instant messaging her about his planned suicide. My future daughter-in-law used my computer and was instant messaging him back, and the conversation is on my hard drive forever.

She was frantic, and my husband and I assured her that he was not going to jump off the bridge. I told her the narcissist loves himself too much and would never follow through with suicide. To date, over a year later, he is still alive. My future daughter-in-law ended up going home, and, until the narcissist cycled again, life was blissful for the future bride and groom.

It didn’t take long and once again the narcissist struck. My husband and I, along with two friends from out-of-state, were driving home from a wonderful overnight stay in downtown Portland. I receive a call from the future daughter-in-law that the narcissist was threatening to take their cat and hurt him. The narcissist  had also sprayed Fabreeze in my future daughter-in-laws face. There was chaos in the background, she was screaming, and then her mother entered their apartment.

All of a sudden, we lost our connection and the phone went silent. I called the narcissist’s phone and told him to put my future daughter-in-law back on the phone or I would shut off his cell service. The narcissist’s phone was on my family plan. He put her on the phone, and, again crying hysterically, she told me he had just broke her phone. The conversation ended and the narcissist had a friend bring him to our house where he spent the night. My husband and I tried to talk with him about his crazy-making and that he needed professional help. It fell on deaf ears.

Not much later, there was another incident in which the police got involved. My future daughter-in-law scratched the narcissist when they were fighting, and since the narcissist had left no visible marks it could be his fiancé who would go to jail.

At that point I suspended service on his phone and I refused to restore the service until he came and talked to my husband and me. He came and talked to us and assured us he would seek therapy.

Eventually my husband and I decided that we would not support the pending marriage. We wanted nothing to do with the wedding, and could not consciously pretend that these two should join as one. They married, and they now have a child.

After hateful emails from the narcissist, how he would destroy me and how he hated me, I decided to start a blog. And then, eventually, death threats were made against me.

One morning, while passing by the framed engagement photos that hung on our wall, I decided it was time to take those memories down and tuck them away. While carrying the frame upstairs it hit me…this frame is perfect for a blog banner.

I removed all the pictures from the frame and called my friend and told her my idea. We both agreed it would be perfect.

The blog was not going to just be about a broken family, but also when I was attacked and stabbed, my childhood, and the dissolution of my family due to that attack and many other significant events. My friend came to my house and we decided to cut the letters that said family out of the frame and place them strategically to represent a broken family.

We decided we would get white poster board place the frame and letters along with broken glass on the poster board. We added vampire blood and then my friend shot the photos outside on my patio.

We were successful. This banner and artwork is a true representation of my childhood and adulthood without needing words.

The narcissist, by the way, is not a Duckworth. He changed his last name without our blessing right before he married. He is not related to Kevin Duckworth. Why someone who would try to destroy me and my husband would want to have the same last name is a mystery.

As recent as last month, the narcissist used our family name to save himself about $500.00 in fines. He portrayed himself to be someone different then he is. He lied about having a relationship with us to an officer and was given a warning instead of a ticket.

I often wonder did I create this monster. I always told him he was the greatest child alive, and I defended him in each negative situation. Perhaps I should have let him suffer consequences.

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14 Responses to The Artwork And The Narcissist

  1. Sheila Schlicht says:

    Tough Love!!!! It’s the hardest.

  2. Jet says:

    Wow. The banner is very creative. Bittersweet success. I’m sorry to hear about your son. I often wonder if that’s the way my husband’s mother feels about my time with him. I would often go to her for help; she never told me to leave him, but she never begged me to stay 😦 I feel so sorry for your daughter-in-law and your grandchild.

  3. I feel sorry for the child… As far as the narcissist’s wife not so much. We told her to run like the wind…She is very co-dependent and an enabler… the narcissist was a step up for her as her previous relationship was with a heroin addict.

  4. My mother was the opposite she never took my side in anything. I think there needs to be a healthy balance of both for a child to grow up without issues.

  5. Kara says:

    Wow Becki, so sorry to hear that you have been going through this with Anthony. He seemed like such a nice kid. Polite and well spoken and nice. I guess that’s what narcissists do…i know I was married to one! You are a great mom and you always spoke highly of him…you can’t change mental issues which unfortunately narcissism is…with very little hope for curing. I have read a lot of articles on the “disease”…sucks! You and Ronnie are awesome people and I think it’s great that you share this with others that may be going through the same thing and don’t have a clue as to why. Narcissism is very real and I think it’s something that is not well known. It can make the other person in a narcissists life feel like it is their fault and pose the question “what did I do wrong”? I did that for several years…finally leaving. I can only imagine how hard this is for your Becki when it’s your own child. Stay strong girlfriend!

    • Kara, sorry you had to deal with one. they try and pass blame on everyone else and never take accountability for their actions. Nothing is ever their fault even when caught red handed. I am ok and appreciate your kind words. I was not a perfect parent but as you know my children never suffered as they claim. Have a great week !!

  6. Kara says:

    oops..meant you not your!

  7. Very creative – with a very real backstory. I bet it felt quite therapeutic making that didnt it? xB

  8. Thank you and yes it was very therapeutic , very raw and real.

  9. Melanie says:

    These stories remind me of how my shitty ex-husband behaves. I hope the narcissist’s wife realizes the abuse she’s suffering and finds the strength to escape.

  10. Do not blame yourself. If he truly is a narcissist (and I believe you) then he has it deeply ingrained into his psyche and even professional help might not do much good. You did fine and I can see how you made all your decisions. Plus, parents always try to stand behind their children (well, unless the parent is a narcissist).
    Scott

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