Think Twice Before You Co-Sign

My husband decided that he was going to co-sign for my eldest son Anthony to purchase a car (hereafter will be referred to as the narcissist). The narcissist was doing well in school and participated in sports and was working at the neighborhood grocery store. The narcissist attended high school out of our area and to drive him back and forth was a 10-mile round-trip.

My husband and I decided we would give the narcissist $1,500.00 down on a Honda Accord and he could finance the balance at our credit union. This would help the narcissist establish credit and become responsible by making the monthly car payment. A year and a half later, the decision to co-sign would become the beginning of a long nightmare.

The narcissist was responsible and he made the car payments on time. After about 15 months the narcissist decided he wanted to sell the car and purchase a Jeep. He sold the car to a friend and found a Jeep Cherokee. My husband once again went with the narcissist to the credit union and co-signed for the Jeep Cherokee. As a co-signer, both my husband and the narcissist names were on the loan.

Within a couple of months of the Jeep purchase the narcissist was stopped for speeding and was ticketed. Soon after the speeding ticket, the narcissist was ticketed with a minor in possession (MIP) of alcohol at one of his high school dances. The night of the MIP my husband found a fifth of whiskey in the Jeep. We punished the narcissist by grounding him and telling him he could not drive the Jeep for one month. The narcissist was 18 years old and in his final 6 months of high school.

The narcissist told us that he was 18 years old and was not going to comply with the punishment. I told him you will or you can move out and the Jeep stays at our house and my husband and I would make the payment. The narcissist decided he would move out, and he packed his personal belongings and called a friend, and the friend’s mother came and picked him up, and he was gone.

I told my husband to keep the narcissist’s Jeep in the garage, and do not drive it. When you co-sign for a vehicle the vehicle belongs to each party equally.

My husband was working swing shift and after a few weeks of the Jeep being in the garage my husband decided to drive it to work. This was a huge mistake. The narcissist came to my husband’s work and took the Jeep. Obviously the narcissist was driving by my husband’s job each night just waiting for the Jeep to be there. Since both names were on the loan, the narcissist knew if he could take possession there was nothing my husband could do about it.

We contacted the credit union and our attorney. The credit union told my husband he would still be responsible for the car payment if the narcissist did not make the payment. The attorney said he would contact the narcissist and ask the narcissist to pay off the loan or get a different co-signer to remove my husband’s name from the loan.

For 3 months the narcissist did not make the loan payment and my husband made the payment as to not destroy our credit. During this time the high school sent a letter to our house saying the narcissist was permanently suspended from school. The year was 2003, and the narcissist fortunately had enough credits so they graduated him on paper early.

After months of our attorney emailing the narcissist to obtain a loan for the Jeep in his name, the narcissist finally got someone to take over the loan. The narcissist contacted the credit union and a date was set for my husband to meet him and the new co-signer at the credit union.

The morning my husband was to meet him at the credit union I told my husband to make sure to not say anything to narcissist. When the narcissist took the Jeep from my husband’s place of employment my husband had the remote control to our garage door in the Jeep. My husband told me the only thing he had to say to the narcissist was to give him that remote.

The credit union they would be meeting at was very close to my office. I was leaving my office to meet a client for lunch at the same time my husband was transferring the loan with the narcissist.

While driving past the credit union two police cars passed me with their lights and sirens on. The police cars turned onto the street the credit union was located. As soon as I saw these police cars my immediate instinct was that something happened between the narcissist and my husband. I turned my car around and headed down the street to the credit union. Sure enough, there were police cars in front of the credit union, three actually. I jumped out of my car running and yelled, “Where is my husband? I am Becki Duckworth!” The officer said,” ma’am please stay away from the entrance.”

I saw the narcissist standing at the front door grabbing his neck with the woman he was living with. Then my husband comes out of the credit union with an officer and he is handcuffed. Another officer came over to me and said my husband is being arrested for assault and he was going to be transferred to the county jail. He told me to wait a few hours and I could go to the jail and bail him out. I was furious and was not given any information of what had happened.

My husband left handcuffed in the back of the police car, I called our attorney to give him a heads-up on what happened and told him we would need to retain him immediately.

After about 6 hours my husband was bailed out of jail back at home with 2 pending charges of assault.

My husband told me everything was fine and the loan was out of his name, and then he asked the narcissist to give him the remote to the garage door. The narcissist told my husband, “I am not giving you shit.” The woman the narcissist was with said, “Just give him the remote.”

My husband then grabbed the narcissist by his jacket collar, lifted him in the air and took the remote out of his jacket. When my husband did this the, credit union teller called the police.

A couple of weeks later we would find out from our medical provider that the narcissist came to his office the same day as the credit union altercation. The narcissist had marks on his neck that he himself put there with a hemp necklace. The narcissist claimed my husband had made the marks. It was later proven by the video tape at the credit union that this claim was false and these marks were done after the fact.

My husband had 2 court dates on these charges. The narcissist never showed up in court. The judge charged my husband with a lesser count of assault and gave my husband a one-year bench probation. The judge in open court said to everyone,”let this be a lesson why you never co-sign for anyone; it never turns out good.”

It would be a couple of years before we saw the narcissist again. During that time the narcissist broke into a soda machine where his sister lived and stole the change, and he was arrested. He was then arrested for several traffic offenses and eventually ordered to a half way house. He was fired at his job at the local grocery store when he was caught stealing beer. He then went to work for a mortgage company where he was terminated.

We have allowed the narcissist back into our lives several times since 2003. My husband even helped him obtain employment. The narcissist has done a lot of damage, not only to us, but others in the community. A question that is ever-present is why would the narcissist go to court and have his last name changed from Walker to Duckworth just months before he married? He has caused nothing but heartache and damage to the Duckworths.

If you were to ask my husband about him today, my husbands response would be,”don’t bring his name up; he does not exist to me.”

This entry was posted in Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Family Secrets, narcissist, Toxic Relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Think Twice Before You Co-Sign

  1. morikam55 says:

    This is heartbreaking…….

    • It is Mori, and Anthony never had any remorse. It was because of this assault charge that when Ronnie tried to obtain entrance into a motorcycle mechanic school in Arizona he was denied solely on this charge. Within the next year came the charge of the gun from Mandi and her evil attempt to put us in prison… Ronnie had it with Anthony and unfortunately made a very bad choice. I am just thankful he didn’t snap his neck. With all this done to him he still allowed Anthony back into our lives. It will NEVER happen again.Ronnie hates any mention of his name in our house.

  2. Melanie says:

    The narcissist him can only burn so many bridges before he finds himself stranded on a deserted island. It sounds like he may be down to his last connection to civilization.

    • Sue says:

      My sister is a raging narcissist. It took her a lifetime but she’s finally found herself stranded on her little island of self-importance. Everyone she’s abused has either died or shunned her. I’m not sure it really matters though. People like that always seem to find new people to exploit. I’d like to believe that karma gets them in the end but I don’t believe it’s true unfortunately.

  3. He has burnt many that is for sure.

  4. I have to agree with your husband; I am not sure he would exist for me, either.
    He would have to have severe psychological help and counseling for quite some time before I would want him near me.

    • Scott, Ronnie is just done. He has went above and beyond to help him countless times. At some point you have to draw the line and take care of yourself. This time I am in agreement with Ronnie and we are both done.

      • I am not disagreeing with that, at all. It sounds to me like you have tried and tried…at some point you just have to stop in order to keep you being you.

  5. So sorry that you had to go through this.


  6. I’m so sorry Becki… before the car loan issue, did he show any signs that he was a narcissist?

    • Looking back there were many signs. The one that was most prevalent is he never took responsibility for his actions. Everything was always someone else’s fault. Never ever do I remember a time when he took accountability.

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