Trucks And A Mask

Frustration is the feeling for this Friday the 13th of September. I woke to the sounds of dump trucks heading to the top of our hill. Dump trucks, log trucks, water trucks have taken over our peaceful neighborhood for almost a month now. The sounds of peacocks and chirping birds are now non-existent. The sounds of nature have been replaced with air brakes on massive trucks climbing the hill. Dump trucks filled with gravel and the beep, beep, beep of trucks backing up echoing down the valley. Last week in just one day we counted 216 trucks. The only day there is peace is on Sunday . Which once was a farm and stables for horse’s will soon be a neighborhood called Twin Creek, with 112 new homes. Originally it was to be only 94. But what the heck , who cares about another 18 homes crammed into the area. I guess that means 18 additional Intel families will have homes to purchase.

I started condensing to move and making lists of items to be sold. The to be sold list is longer then the what will leave with list. Ronnie and I decided we will be selling our beautiful dining room set. I will never forget the day we found this set. I fell in love with it immediately. It was the first set we saw and a very expensive Italian contemporary design. I had to have the set. I dreamed of the family dinners and it would be something we would pass down to one of our children. We had a few nice family gatherings around that table and several wonderful holiday dinners. My hope is who ever purchases it from us will enjoy many more gatherings then we were able to have.

I have been looking online at pub table sets. Since it will just be Ronnie and I, a pub table will suffice. Also hauling this set 1300 miles does not make sense. Our goal is to downsize, fewer belongings and a smaller living space. I am becoming less and less attached to “things”. Quality of life matters, peace of mind and relationships matter. Moving will not solve all my emotional problems but it will put distance between the hate.

When I first moved to Oregon it was for only a 5 year plan not for a lifetime. I have lived here over 26 years. The Pacific Northwest is beautiful, green year round due to 6 months of rain. The rain is the killer emotionally , dark gloomy grey skies for months.

It’s been over a year since I last had a full time job. As I have mentioned in previous posts what a relief it was to quit my former place of employment. That place would of eventually killed me. I am sworn by secrecy and a signed contract by all parties not to revile my exit. However it was a place of insanity. I was fortunate that my clients were awesome and the money was darn good. It was a healthy decision to leave and I was able to start removing the mask of my existence that had been haunting me for years.

I do have to admit that Anthony , his threats and hatred toward me has made me a better person. I came to a place in my life that I really didn’t care about my status in the community or hiding behind a mask of falseness. Gradually over the course of the last 13 months I’ve torn the mask off. I am still the same person that is giving, caring of others in need. I just don’t need to pretend any longer, lie about my past or surround myself with groups of false friendships. I am pretty damn transparent now. Peeling that horrible mask off feels great. I sleep sounder and no longer worry about who knows what.

But do you want to know the funny part? That’s a phrase one of my kids always used by the way. Now that I’ve become transparent, I see how many people are wearing masks.

Friday the 13th feels good. Only 1 more hour and 26 minutes left of beep, beep, beep until tomorrow at 7am.

The mask

This entry was posted in Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Family Secrets, friends, friendships, leaving the past behind, Mental Health, moving day, new beginnings, Traumatic Experiences and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Trucks And A Mask

  1. Melanie says:

    Those construction trucks are so loud. There’s no pattern, so you just can’t get used to it. Ugh. I’m so sorry.
    I am glad you feel relief by living your life as you, no longer hiding your past. I wish you all good things as you and Ronnie transition to your next chapter.

    • Mel , they suck bad.. The sad part is all the beautiful fir trees over a hundred years old .. GONE !! red tailed hawks gone.. Just a huge dust bowl above me.

      • Melanie says:

        This happened to my sister’s neighborhood. The trucks rolled in and cleared the land and started preparing the landscape to be a new neighborhood. Then the housing market collapsed worse than it already was, and now it’s a muddy, baron mess. Double the insult in that the trucks were too heavy for the street and tore it to pieces, potholes everywhere, and before they could repair the street, the company went out of business. Now it’s a zig-zag to get through to their house to avoid losing a tire in the cracks and potholes. The city won’t take responsibility because the company was liable, but the company is no more, so for years it’s just gotten worse.

      • That is exactly what will happen here. The street is only one way in and one way out. Which is in front of our home. Then they climb the hill to where they cleared the land for an opening. It is bare land. Which means sewer has to go in, electrical and all the other crap. It was so peaceful here , never noise. Now its insane. Those Xanax and Valium I stock piled are now being used. I have only went outside and screamed at a driver once. That is when he idled his dump truck on lunch break in front of my house for 30 min.

      • Melanie says:

        It’ll be a mess for a long time. I’m glad you and Ronnie already have plans to get out.

      • I know. It’s sad because the wildlife is gone.But Intel is hiring 3000 additional people at their new FAB so for them I guess its great only a 5 mile drive to the facility

  2. “Now that I’ve become transparent, I see how many people are wearing masks”.
    Great observation!

    Ugh, what a business of undoing an old life at the best of times, let alone with the company of over 200 truck noises. Keep sane.

  3. Many are wearing masks. It’s ok, remove only when ready. Trucks suck !!

  4. Good for you!!! The stroke has been helping me to do just that.

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