Handwritten Letters

Handwritten letters are a rare commodity, they indicate investment. Email is “permanent” in its own way. Our electronic messages are easy to keep and to search in huge volumes. But emails are not tangible and enduring in the same way those old notes are. We don’t print emails and display them on our desks, refrigerators with the same meaning as a handwritten letter or note. The physical notes are much more memorable.

While Ronnie has been sifting through garage items, my day’s have been spent sitting in closets opening storage containers. These storage containers are filled with greeting cards, letters and legal documents unorganized from years past. The process is time consuming and until yesterday seemed never ending. I finally conquered the task and three file cabinets became one.

Mounds of legal paperwork made me furious, it reminds me of the children that attempted to destroy Ronnie and myself. I kept it all. The legal paperwork will continue to be an emotional and tangible part of our lives, it will leave Applegate Drive with us. While sitting in the closet sorting and binding hundreds of legal documents, I realized after 11 years the wounds are still open. They have not closed. The pain is less, but still exists. It was more emotional reading through letters between lawyers and District Attorneys, than it was organizing the medical papers from when I was stabbed. My family is still in taters.

Most shocking was that I still had a few items related to Mandi, they are gone now except for one letter Mandi wrote my father about 5 or so years ago. When I visited Illinois my father gave it to me. It was funny when he gave me the original letter. Mandi’s enduring words about her fabulous life written on yellow legal paper, how fitting. When my biological father handed me the letter, he tore off her address on the bottom. I think in his own way he was trying to protect me. He did not want me to know where she lived. I chuckled to myself, I already knew where she lived.

My most precious discovery were the handwritten letters from Lance. I came across a letter Lance wrote in 2004, he was only 15 years old. This particular letter Lance wrote was one of encouragement. In the letter Lance with his young and innocent mind was trying to encourage me. Ronnie and I were in the middle of the “gun case”, Lance was concerned and angry at his brother and sister. In the letter, one can sense his fear of not knowing what would happen to his parents. Even with his fear of the unknown he was trying to encourage me to stay positive.

Lance wrote Ronnie and I so many hand written letters over the years. I have and still will save them all, even the small post-it-notes he would leave on my nightstand or kitchen counter. All of Lances letters were written with love. Every card Lance gave us would have a long special greeting, hand written in the entire blank space. These are special and forever treasured. Knowing he took the time out and put pen to paper vs. an email is priceless.

Now that the paper purging stage of our move is 90% over, I hope the rest is not so time consuming. Now we need to continue working on releasing material possessions. We have sold, gave away and donated many items but we are far from being completed. I don’t need much anymore to feel complete or happy. In the past I surrounded myself with “stuff”. Handwritten letters, my husband, good friends and memories will suffice.


This entry was posted in Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Family Secrets, happiness, Healing and Recovery, leaving the past behind, Life's Blessings and Joys, moving day, new adventures, new beginnings, Toxic Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Handwritten Letters

  1. Melanie says:

    So beautiful. Handwritten letters are truly a treasure.

  2. I am happy I am not the only “paper hoarder” somethings just need to be in Rubbermaid bins! I have carted 4 kids “memory boxes” with me, forever.

    • Nope you have a “paper hoarding” friend right here ! I feel much lighter now. Three file cabinets to just one. In our bedroom alone I emptied 4 Rubbermaid storage containers full of items that are not needed. The crazy part is when I retired last year, I removed everything and anything that was my oldest sons and had it dropped off to him. I should of had this done then. It is so time consuming.

  3. Well, I’ve done it, I’ve read your whole blog and I am now uptodate with your whole story! Sadly, I can relate to some of your story from physical, emotional and narcissistic abuse. From having nothing,building it up, having a awesome job, great social life (my ex’s best friend was a major player from the Oakland Raiders), to being beaten, having to secretly escape the country, start over again. To only get sucked in by another abuser, thank god this time I figured it out this time after only 9 months but again I have to restart…..It sucks but reading your blog and others gives me strength.
    Thank you Becki,,,I now know to break this cycle I need to sit down and write all this out and to not let this happen to others and hopefully I will be a inspiration to them as you have been to me.
    Thank you again,,and good luck on your move, I look forward to following this journey with you xo.

    • Wow the whole blog!! Thank you for caring! I hope you are away from the abuse forever and it never shows its ugly presence again in your life. Writing it out helps. I never thought I would have the courage to do so. Always feel free to email me as well. My phone number is also on my blog if you ever need someone to vent to. I have been so busy packing as we are in crunch mode to downsize.I am hoping by end of today I can catch up on everyone else’s blogs. Again thank you for following me. Have a beautiful Sunday.
      XXOO Becki

  4. Abby says:

    I have kept every paper that my kids have made in school, at home etc, I have every card given to my on baby showers. birthdays, holidays. I even have letters that my best friend from hs (now an esteemed blogger in Canada) wrote to me. They are amazing and I am glad that you are able to keep yours as well.
    I also like you have kept the harder to read ones. Every letter my abuser sent me from prison. All the threats,the fake concern, I keep it all. I take them out every time I think I will allow him to be part of my sons life to remind myself who he really is.

  5. Glad you are beginning to heal. It is a long, hard process.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. Pingback: Grateful for Handwritten Notes and Letters (TY-29) | A Kiss Of Bliss

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