#Why I Stayed , #Why I Left

It’s trending on Twitter, the elevator punch seen across the world. You know the one !Ray Rice the former Baltimore Raven’s running back, knocks his then fiance’, Janay out cold. This happened on camera at an Atlantic City Casino in an elevator. Preceding this altercation, the vile Ray spits on his then fiance’, also caught on camera. After Ray knocks Janay out in the elevator he’s seen dragging her unconscious body from the elevator to the lobby.

Janay and ass wipe  Ray were both arrested. When all is said and done, Janay marries Ray, a few month’s later. Ray enters a diversionary program, and if he is a good boy and completes it, this little incident of him almost killing his fiance’ is erased from the good ole’ boys record books.  For those of you wondering how could she marry this piece of shit that just knocked her ass out in an elevator, well it’s because she is a classic domestic violence victim, that’s what happens, the honeymoon period after the attack. All is wonderful in love and war once again, but mark my word’s it’s only momentarily. This marriage is not going to last… She probably got her ass handed to her yesterday when Ray was released from the Ravens. I have no doubt last night, all hell broke loose in the Rice mansion. Ray probably ranted, destroyed objects and put all the blame on Janay for him loosing his millions for the coming year.

I am certain he told her countless times how she has destroyed him. If she would of acted like a really nice, well behaved , financially taken care of wife, and not DONE whatever CAUSED Ray to spit at her, then life would be good in the land of milk and honey. Cause you know in Ray’s mind , this is all Janay’s fault. Ray’s press conference was well scripted for him, either by his agent or attorney. Trust me in his sick mind the loss of his career, financial status, popularity, endorsements etc. are all gone because of Janay.

Janay probably has apologized a million times to Ray for what she has referred to as the, “Incident between her and her husband.” Victims of domestic violence do not stay with their abusers because they are gold diggers or stupid or because they are masochists. Victims of abuse stay with their abusers due to biological, chemical, psychological and societal factors. And some of us who tolerated abuse , had been used to being abused our entire lives, by the people who were supposed to love and protect us.

Soooo, do not judge Janay and call her a gold digger. Sure there is a lot of money at stake and Ray can hold her financially hostage and brainwash her by buying her out temporarily. Maybe she has no one to turn to for help. They are in a sense, “Celebrities” friends may not want to get involved. Look what happened to Nicole Simpson. I have been there, not as a celebrity but abused walking the streets of San Francisco with a baby in tow, broke. All the shelters were full and there was a waiting list. I made a phone call to my father asking if my son and I could please come back to Illinois and live at his house. He told me no and that he didn’t want to get involved, he had his new family to raise. Take a guess how that felt, people don’t want to get involved.

Reaching out for help is very difficult, I  had a recent situation where I needed some help. The help I needed was to resolve my identity , something directly resulting from when I was stabbed. It’s still in the process of being resolved. If I don’t resolve it… well I don’t even want to think of the consequences, unless resolved, life will be very trying to say the least……. Anyway, I reached out to people I have helped financially, some with hundreds of dollars, some I helped with thousands of dollars. Some were gifts from my heart some unpaid loans.  I was rejected, ignored, excuses were made. End result , people really don’t care. And when a person has to revisit the attack, abuse emotionally it’s extremely depressing. And then to think people, supporters will rally and help…… well not so much and then again the abused… regardless of how strong is left defeated. It’s a lonely place.

I can’t imagine the pressure Janay Rice is under. She is being badgered to leave Ray, we all know she should. She is under attack for staying, I am sure Janay is being emotionally hammered.

Who failed Janay is the prosecution, Ray was slapped on the wrist. The prosecution knew there was a camera in the elevator. Janay should of had no say in this matter, he knocked her out cold and dragged her like garbage.  Ray should of been arrested and charged by a grand jury of attempted murder and sentenced to some time in either jail or prison. This is the “first time”, he has been caught beating a woman, but trust me it’s not the first time. I’m sure very shortly other female victims will come out and say he abused them as well.

This attack could of been a murder, just like mine could of been. I am fortunate to even be able to post on a blog about my experience. But I also because of that attack am still struggling, the anniversary of when I was attacked is approaching. The depression is still there, the rabbit hole gets deeper and darker.

Don’t judge Janay, or any other victim of abuse.

#Why I stayed? I had no place to turn to, my family and friends ddn’t want to help and place themselves in potentially harms way.

#Why I left ? It took being stabbed 21 times.

Ray is only going to get more upset, this isn’t over.



This entry was posted in Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence victims, Healing and Recovery, Janay Rice, Knocked out in Elevator, Ray Rice and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to #Why I Stayed , #Why I Left

  1. JackieP says:

    It’s not over and sadly I’m very much afraid she is going to lose her life because of this man.

  2. Lucky Wreck says:

    Your take on this is so profound and refreshing. It is nice to see someone speak up for not judging people for staying, or for anything for that matter, when there are usually always so many more things involved. I really love your blog!

    • Having the strength to leave the abuser takes time. Generally the emotional abuse is even greater than the physical , The victim is beat down emotionally and feels worthless and more often than not feels the abuse was deserved and, “she had it coming”

      Women do not like to feel like they failed so even the strongest of women will continue to try and help the abuser. Having the strength to leave can take months and even years. My concern in this situation is that Ray may kill her and then himself. Or she may commit suicide. I can’t imagine the emotional trauma Janay is experiencing. She is living with the abuser and the entire country is talking about it. What a horrible place to be. But we have to respect her, she will leave when she’s ready.

      I am glad you enjoy my blog.

  3. Cat says:

    In the UK, Scotland and England have very different criminal laws. In England, you are the victim and have the choice whether to prosecute or not. However, in Scotland, you are only the victim up until you meet with police and then you become a witness to your own attack. There is no choice over the prosecution and the victims/witness opinion holds no weight.

  4. Thomas Murphy says:

    he spit on her, she slapped him, he punched her. They both commited the crime of battery and it was justified that they were both arrested

  5. Pingback: Domestic Violence: how can we stop it? | Vonnie Kennedy, Finger Lakes Writer

  6. It is important not to re-victimize the victim. Domestic Violence is a crime. If the victim is a man then the woman needs to take responsibility for her actions. A woman is battered every nine seconds here in the United States. There is not one man or woman who has to live in violence. There is help. Taxi drivers know where Domestic Violence shelters are and will take you to one. You will find support and options and legal assistance. You will find people who care about what is happening to you. Hugs, Barbara

  7. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    I wasn’t there to see what happened. I haven’t been in a situation like this myself … but I see what happens to friends and people I know.
    This post was written by someone who was there. If only ….. some would recognize this reality ….. I also think that “this” isn’t over!!

  8. Jueseppi B. says:

    Reblogged this on MrMilitantNegro™.

  9. secretangel says:

    You are so right! It isn’t over. I pray that she gets stronger and leaves before this is another OJ and Nicole Simpson case which was one of the most horrible examples of how wealth and fame wins over justice in this society at times. Thanks for sharing this Becki!!

  10. m says:

    I am makinh my move my stand not for me but for my little boy. He doesnt deserve to live life with the choices that i have made he doesnt deserve to hwar the name calling. And screaming he doesnt deserve to think that thos is how life is.with$15dollara in my pocket i will leave and stop feeling guilty and start caring for my sons life and mine

    • Good for you m, I left with less. Take care of you, teach your son this is unacceptable. No one deserves abuse, emotional or physical. Release the guilt dear. I am hear for you. Sending you love. Becki

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s