But , But…. Mine Was Extreme Domestic Violence

This post is going to have so many grammatical errors you may not be able to follow. Today I went from super happy because Ronnie is on vacation for a week , to angry due to an email.  Ronnie is having a staycation so we can sift through all the items we do not need to take with us when we move. Some we will donate and some we will sell. The donation/giveaway pile will be much larger than the to sell pile.

My theory is , if you have not used that item in 3 years and not an ounce of sentimental value with the item. Get rid of it. Ronnie’s theory is different. I want the load to be very light. I also can live with very little, and I place less value on material items. With that said, this is the week to get rid of the old and un-wanted and start fresh.

Ronnie went through his sock and shirt collection and for today that is progress. I am happy he is home and the process has begun.

Now the email. Like I mentioned before, I receive far more emails from blog readers than I do comments on my blog. I welcome the emails and I also have my phone number on my blog. Feel free to call me anytime day or night.

Today I received an email from a blog guest that wanted to tell me that her experience with domestic violence is far worse than others. She also asked me what advise I could give her to be able to raise money from her domestic violence experience. Her goal is to continue her lavish lifestyle if and when she decides to leave her abuser.

We emailed back and forth a couple times, finally I said just call me. She called me, normally I am never lost for words this time I was. Our conversation went downhill pretty quickly. This victim is not willing to give up her 4000 sq. ft. home , pool, tennis court, horse and personal yoga instructor.

I had no idea what to say other than ,well I guess you are not ready to escape. The caller told me that her domestic violence is far worse than others and extreme because her husband slaps and or pushes her daily. He has been doing this for 6 years.

I explained to the victim my opinion is domestic violence is domestic violence regardless of the severity in each victims circumstance. This is not a race to see who’s owie’s are worse than others. She disagreed and because the abuse she suffers is daily, she is somehow different than the rest of us. All she wanted was to know how she could possibly monetarily capitalize on what she is enduring to maintain the “princess lifestyle”.

I asked her many questions, one being if she had every been employed. Her reply was, “No I have never been employed and I don’t want to be.” She rambled on while I was trying to empower her. She rambled telling me that she does not have time to work with all her social engagements.

All she wanted from me was how she could make at least $5000.00 per month without working. I suggested with a good attorney she might be able to have a spousal award issued to her during the divorce. Again I was lost for words.

Our conversation ended with me wishing her the best and suggesting counseling should be in order. I also provided her with the National Domestic Violence hotline number 800-799-7233.

I ended the conversation angry. Why is it more important to stay with the abuser for financial reasons then to escape? Why am I angry with her is the larger question?

Feedback please.

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This entry was posted in Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family Relationships, Mental Health, surprise callers, Toxic Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to But , But…. Mine Was Extreme Domestic Violence

  1. prewitt1970 says:

    Because she acted selfishly, with disregard to others, because she is a princess and obviously has very little respect for others. I’m sorry she is victimized and yes that’s bad. But in my perspective as a abuse survivor, her attitude make me sick as there are people who endure far more brutilization daily just to receive bread,water and a roof of any kind. Princess just needs to get a lawyer and move out. Sorry to rant just kinda pisses me off.
    Namaste
    Benjamin

    • Benjamin, I agree 100% ! During the conversation I was supportive and continued to give her resources in her community. She was on only interested in the ability to capitalize on the abuse. She continued to tell me how young and beautiful she was and should not be treated this way. She said that she is beautiful and would look good on camera. .. I was lost for words which rarely happens.

  2. Glad you posted this. I hope someone who thinks such as her is reading this message. You must, no matter your station in life, be able to take care of yourself. She wants to be taken care of and it is sad for anyone in life to reduce him or herself to such a petty way of being.

  3. My guess is she’s a trigger to you. Maybe all of us on here. She values things over herself and others. That’s what our families did to us. Obviously she is not ready to leave, and I wonder if she’s even telling the truth or just saying she’s abused to capitalize?

  4. JackieP says:

    Wow, just wow. Talk about a narcistic personality! She has it in spades! I wonder, and I know this is going to sound terrible. But is she really abused? Or is she just saying it hoping she can get a divorce settlement of 5000 a month? I know a few women who would do just that. This one sounds like she needs more than abuse help, she needs mental help also. So she is ‘more’ abused because she is beautiful and spoiled? Wow. I’ve been abused also, and not once did it cross my mind of how much money I could make off it. This just boggles my mind. Believe me and I know those that read your blogs knows full well, IF you are abused you just want out and to hell with any money!

  5. abbbz says:

    I am going to take the devils advocate her for a minute. I know a few women that stayed with their abusers for a long long time because they could not imagine changing their lifestyle. Eventually that attitude will change. IMHO she is really not ready to leave him. Let us remember how scared we were before and right after we left our abusive situations. She mentioned that she her family would not understand or agree if she left him. It must be scary to imagine living a certain way then going to nothing. If she is in a high society lifestyle who knows how this behavior of her husband is look upon. Eventually she will have had enough.Eventually no amount of money will be enough to live in that situation. Many times it takes a child to make certain people decide that enough is enough. Who knows what her “aha moment” will be.
    Although I may not agree with the way she came about explaining things to you, let us all pray that she is safe and makes it through another day. I can remember a time when I was single (and not in any type of abusive situation) where I couldn’t imagine not living a high lifestyle. I remember being in an abusive relationship and being terrified of how I would take care of myself and my son (and unborn son) without the financial support (even though it was drug money) my abuser was giving me. We all have our own experiences and perhaps she was hiding her fears behind this snobby exterior…..just a thought on the other side….

    • Thank you, I do agree that all of us will only leave when we are ready.Having support especially at age 24 is HUGE. She is scared. My advise was, she needs to decide what is most important to her safety or money. the abuse as we all know will only escalate

      • abbbz says:

        I hope she makes the best choice for her. Its so much easier to get mad at her for only thinking of the money but sometimes its easier to think that way then to imagine your life without that….denial aint just a river in egypt…

      • It took me several years and almost cost me my life before I left. If she leaves I just hope for her sake its for good.

      • abbbz says:

        I agree. I went back twice and now I’m a convicted felon…it’s a lesson hard learned. One I do not wish on anyone

      • I am also a convicted felon. I went back several times and he followed me from Illinois to San Francisco to Reno and then to Portland. I have no room to judge. I became a convicted felon because I allowed him to convince me to engage in activities I never imagined. I read your story.

      • abbbz says:

        Yeah it’s almost would have been better if I got a drug charge. I got a receiving stolen property so now whoever does a background thinks I’m a thief… Funny thing I’ve never stolen anything in my life…. It was that or prison….what a choice eh?

      • We have much in common my friend.

      • abbbz says:

        Yes I can see that. That’s one of the things I love about this blog world. It’s amazing how I can connect so well with ppl here but in person, well not so much….I’ve become a bit of a loner except with my family. This blog world has helped me to heal so much and I am so grateful to you all for helping me in the process.

      • You are blessed to still have a family. I have lost all of mine. My family is my close friends and now the blog community. WordPress has really helped me grow in the past year.

      • abbbz says:

        I have some and lost some. That’s the beauty of friendships. That way you build your own family. I have made a friend that is like a brother to me….

  6. this pisses me off! who does she think she is? suffering at the hands of an abuser is suffering, no matter how often or how bad. no one deserves to be treated that way. it seems to me she likes the attention she gets from being a victim. I know from experience, when you are ready to leave, you don’t care about anything material, let alone things your abuser has provided for you. you just want to be out and get to safety and start rebuilding your life.
    She needs mental help and I wouldn’t offer to speak to her again.

  7. AR Neal says:

    M’kay, so I had to read this yesterday, then read it again today. I struggle to respond to such a selfish attitude in a way that is encouraging.
    Abuse of any kind has no “more” or “worse.” It simply is, and it is wrong; that is the primary defining category.
    Many of us stay because of fear of many things (fear of being found and killed, fear of having our children taken or killed, etc.), but fear of not being able to live in a mansion or have our personal pampering is not a legitimate reason.
    I wonder as I write this if the young lady is not covering for something? Yes, there can be a fear of not being able to support oneself, particularly if one has never had to work, but saying that one does not want to ever work as a justification for staying in an abusive relationship is not sound.
    I hate to say it but I think that was one of the things I really struggled with in this post; here I am, a very independent woman who has worked all her life, who finds herself currently unemployed and haunted by it. I cannot understand folks who say they haven’t worked and don’t want to. If the young lady was saying that she cared for her children and household, sure–that’s different, but if she “needs” to stay in this relationship for the “stuff” I have a real problem there.

    • If her story is true she definitely is not seeking employment anytime soon. Seeking employment would be the first key to leaving the abuse. i don’t understand either. I am sorry you are unable to find work that sucks. I will not be seeking work until i leave the state. This year is the first year in decades that I have been unemployed. My unemployment was by choice to take away the power from my destructive children. I am feeling the waters for part time employment in the state we are moving to. Back to the caller, I told her after i was stabbed and released from the hospital I was painting apartments. I did whatever it took to take care of myself and my children. I was painting with a cast on my arm from plastic surgery. I also was cleaning apartments after they were vacated. She is no where near lowering her standards to leave the money tree.

  8. Susan Sigmund says:

    Maybe this will wake her up…she will look young and beautiful in her casket .

  9. Paula says:

    I am very skeptical of people so willing to open up to a stranger about being abused yet aren’t ready and willing to do the work and make the sacrifices to keep herself/himself safe. I’ve stumbled upon a few “victims” like this over the past 18 months through my blog and writings. Personally, I do not think she’s really being abused. No one who is fearful of her abuser reaches out and gives a complete stranger her phone number and e-mail and then proceeds to phish for ways to circumvent responsibility. I call BS on her claims. Before you make such a call, you’ve already reached your point of desperation and would do ANYTHING to save yourself. She just wants to save her lifestyle.

    • Apollo says:

      Its actually a sad story… don’t hate

    • Paula, I emailed her today. The number registered unknown on my cell phone. If her husband is as abusive as she claims, he will see my number on her cell phone as an outgoing number. He may question who I am. She is either not ready to leave him or not ready to leave the money. You are absolutely right , if she wanted out nothing else would matter.

  10. Apollo says:

    Did this really happen? 😮 … that’s terrible. BTW love the title of the article, i heard WordPress pays if you get a lot of views 🙂

    You should get the grammar mistakes corrected and it would make a grate article.

  11. This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have
    found something that helped me. Many thanks!

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